My (Distorted) Reputation

I’ve always had trouble with what my reputation is and what people think of me.  Sometimes I worry about it too much.  Unfortunately, there’s a method to my madness.

Growing up, I had trouble distinguishing between my good friends and my acquaintances.  This is because I’m handicapped – I use a walker and a wheelchair – so it’s hard to tell if people are only being nice to me because they feel bad for me.  It’s always disappointing when someone whom I want to be my friend is flaky.

I still have trouble with this now.  For example, when someone compliments me, sometimes I find myself wondering if they are just saying that and they don’t really mean it.  Even my friends from college.  I know that they value me for who I am, and that’s nice.  But it still doesn’t match the way that I view myself.   People are so critical of me – and they have been for awhile – that I end up internalizing it.  Their view of myself becomes my own.  I can’t just let things roll off my back.

Hopefully, as I transition in the real world and start working, I will be able to reset myself and gain self-confidence that I can draw from in the future.

Blogger of Repute

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