Growing Pains

In the superficial sense, “no pain, no gain” simply means that if you don’t feel pain, you won’t gain anything.

But I don’t think that definition includes mental struggles or hardship.  College, as you probably already know, was a challenge for me.  But I survived.  And I still got a lot out of it.

Without my struggles, I wouldn’t have realized how much Spanish meant to me.  I could’ve run away from it.  Maybe I should have.  But I didn’t.  Something deep down inside me told me I wasn’t done with Spanish.  I still believed in myself.  And I still do.  I love Spanish.

But I’m still struggling.  I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but lately people have been making me question it.  And I’m the queen of overthinking.  I wish I could accurately articulate why I want the things I want.  But I feel like the reasons I have for liking the things I like and wanting the things I want are superficial and will only give my doubters more reason to doubt.

Because, in all honesty, I can’t really put feelings into words.  For example, whenever I watch the news or work on my Spanish fluency, something just feels right.  Yes, I do have various role models, but what’s wrong with that?  It’s the feeling that my role models give me that reminds me of what I want to do.  Is that so wrong?  I don’t think so.

I didn’t think it would be so hard mentally to keep my eye on the prize.

Pains and Gains

 

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