Amount of Time

I’m just going to dive right into this because I don’t know any other way to do it. Last year, I lost three of my grandparents. My mother’s father passed away in February, and my father’s parents’ both passed away in September, roughly a week apart. That’s the long way of saying I don’t have any grandparents anymore.

I think it was too much emotion and sadness for me to handle. Because since then, I’ve been very much afraid of death. I’m hyper aware that no one knows how much time they have to live life.

Which is where my anxiety lies. I have so many things I want to do with my life, but no timeline. Usually, deadlines really freak me out. But apparently not when it comes to things like this. Sometimes I think it would be nice to know how many years I had, but my friend had a valid point. He said that if I knew how much time I had, it would increase my anxiety because I would be fixated on a number.

What do you think? Is my “fear” rational or irrational? Why?

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