When Patronuses Fail

If we were in London – or Scotland, for that matter – and I was feeling blah like I am right now, I could simply cast a patronus, eat some chocolate and be all better. But because this isn’t Hogwarts and magic as J.K. Rowling defines it doesn’t exist, I have to make do with what reality gives me.

And because I have to work with reality, I don’t limit myself to one patronus.

But lately, my “patronuses,” the things that are usually able to make me feel better about myself and my life, haven’t been working for me. None of them are a sufficient distraction from my dementors.

I haven’t been able to focus on them long enough to distract me in the first place. Not even music.

All the music that I would usually listen to in order to make me feel better – Rachel Platten and my assortment of Spanish songs among other things – only seem to make me feel more blah.

Luckily, I was able to think of some other songs, like Echosmith’s album and “Her Diamonds” by Rob Thomas, and those have helped a bit, but nothing is foolproof right now.

Podcasts aren’t distracting me from my dementors either. I can barely listen to them without being distracted by the dementors and their blah.

Obviously, I have a lot of extra dementors right now, so I’ve had to find back up/reinforcement patronuses. But these dementors aren’t so easily exterminated. They’re thoughts in my head that won’t leave, and I don’t even really want to do anything.

I think these dementors are a product of a lot of different factors that have been building over time, and they’ve chosen now to gang up on me.

However, I was able to work on fan fiction yesterday, so that’s a good thing in the midst of all the dementors and their blah. I can’t promise to have anything done by Friday though.

Why is my urge to write the strongest when I’m depressed?


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