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Uncategorized

A Little Bit of Hope

This, my friends, is more than just a screenshot. It’s a validation of my feelings.

I know I touched on this a bit before, but it bears repeating. Because like I said, I’ve struggled with the line between fiction and reality my whole life. It’s so thin that I can feel it getting blurry in an instant. And that “blurriness” is what’s scared me. What’s been holding me back from truly acknowledging my feelings.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of crossing that line. In my younger years, I’d get ahead of myself, and I paid the price for it. My peers teased me a lot. I can look back and laugh about it now, but it was super uncomfortable at the time. So I eventually learned to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.

Now, whenever I have really strong feelings about fictional characters, I always make sure that I know they’re not real, even though it sucks to admit it. Sometimes I wish I didn’t worry about that line so much. I mean, it’s invisible anyway, so it’s not like someone is going to recognize any signs of me going past some random point of no return, right?

I’ve been thinking about Charlotte Hope’s reply since it happened. And I think I finally realized what she means by “I don’t think it’s weird”: It’s okay to have these feelings about fictional characters. It doesn’t mean you’ve crossed “the line”.

I could very well have said “Is it weird that Catherine of Aragon …” instead of using Charlotte’s Twitter handle. Part of me thinks that maybe I should have. But another part of me wanted to experiment with whether she would even see my tweet, so I chose the riskier option.

Charlotte understood that I was referring to her portrayal of Catherine of Aragon. And, in doing so, she made me realize that I’ve never let myself truly think of my favorite characters and other people I look up to as family. I think it’s about time I work on that. Work on being comfortable with these types of feelings, and my chosen family.

Categories
Music

How “You Belong” Really Makes me Feel

If you read Friday’s post, you’ll know that I was a bit apprehensive, to say the least, about Rachel Platten’s new song.

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Uncategorized

Act the way you want to feel

I’m really behind on my page-a-day calendars because I’d been – understandably – busy with school.  I’ve been going through Gretchen Rubin’s “A Happier 2017” when I came across something that interested me.

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Daily Prompt

Secondhand Embarrassment

Some people think that I don’t get embarrassed easily.  In fact, they don’t think I get embarrassed at all.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Categories
Poetry

Poker Face

I appear happy, but sometimes I am anything but.

I feel like a misfit, a mutt.

I don’t belong anywhere but the place I left behind; at least there I could shine.

I hate having to pretend, put on a poker face.

But sometimes, that’s how I fake it until I make it.

 

Categories
Reblogged

Be You Now

This … This is powerful …

Show Me Who You Really Are

I really push myself to expand beyond my comfort zone for these posts.  I’m starting to get a feel for the process and the feeling that comes when I’ve reached the place in me that has something that wants to be shared.  A unique combination of feelings start to unfold and I feel the usual tension in my midsection start to let go, and I literally. . . feel my being begin to expand outward past my normal limits.  My awareness becomes bigger.

Today I felt it come on during my walk.  I felt it start to happen. . . and could feel a part of me feel scared about that bigness, and try to resist or convince it to go back in its cage.  But, my bigness just held the space and said quietly . . . “Why?”  And then the Resistance was gone, seeing that Bigness meant business.

But the answer…

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