Natasha Richardson as Elizabeth James

If you read my other post, you’ll know that I recently became re-obsessed, if you will, with Disney’s 1998 version of The Parent Trap.

Since that last post, I’ve pretty much been playing my favorite song from the soundtrack through YouTube constantly.  I’ve also found the movie clip that features the song.

Which brings me to what I am writing today.  I’ve been able to play the song without a problem, but I have a bit of a hard time watching the video.  It’s a trigger because of the innocence issue I talked about before.

When I’m listening to the song by itself, I don’t have a problem because I can think about any situation that fits the lyrics.  When I’m watching the video, however,  I can’t escape the mother-daughter dynamic in the context of the film.  It’s too perfect.

When I first saw it after not having seen it in a long time, I was on the verge of tears.  I can keep my emotions in check now after having seen it a handful of times, but it still stings a bit.


A Four-Year-Old’s Jam

1998.  I was four years old.  Disney’s remake of The Parent Trap starring Lindsay Lohan came out.  And I was obsessed with it.

My mom and I were reminiscing one day, and we happened to talk about the movie.  Which brought up my favorite scene and my favorite song.

I wanted to be Lindsay Lohan.  Specifically, I wanted to be Hallie.  Trade places with my long-lost twin sister, hang out with my mom at one of her photo shoots and photo bomb the bride?  Um, YES PLEASE!

The song in the photo shoot scene is “Never Let You Go” by Jakaranda.  Lately, I’ve been listening to it nonstop.  I tried to download it, but it’s not on iTunes, so I have to play it through YouTube.  It’s annoying.

Even though I love the song now as much as I did back then, it’s bittersweet.  It reminds me of the innocence I once had.  I had a good relationship with my mom.  I was happy.

As I’ve gotten older, my relationship with my mom – both my parents for that matter – has been strained.  We don’t see eye to eye, and we have trouble communicating in general.

How do I reclaim my innocence?  Is it even possible?  I want it to be.  I really want it to be.

(You can listen to the audio here)